Being a parent to grown-up kids

Be there for emergencies, share leisure time together

There are two different things I'd like to convey with this blog post:

Staying together for the kids

A) If you have young children, and your marriage isn't great and you feel that the only reason you are staying together is "for the kids" then stick with that idea for now. As your kids get older, especially after they reach their 20s, you'll find that you and your spouse have more time for each other again and the closeness you originally had can re-emerge. Also, if a lot of your kids move out within a short period of time, consider getting a dog, as it will keep the activity level up in the house, and make you less lonely.


Benefits of grown-up offspring

B) If you think that you'll be done raising your kids once they reach 18 or 20 years old, think again. We have 2 boys and 2 girls all in their early twenties. Both of the girls have called us screaming and crying in the middle of the night within the past year, one that ran into an abusive taxi driver who abandoned her on the side of Highway 404, and the other was physically assaulted by her now ex-boyfriend. Each of these instances meant running out the door and driving at high speed in the middle of the night to the location where the daughter was ... very scary both times.

With our sons, there was a moment when one of them was 15 or so and he really really needed my encouraging words and hug, and it frightens me to think of how he would have felt had I not been there to show him the love and support he deserved (he is a fantastic young man).

Regarding our other son, I can't think of any instance where I have had to come to his rescue, emotionally or otherwise, however with him that is not the story. This son and I go to concerts together and play guitar / jam quite frequently, so even though he may not have needed me around as much as the others, the key is we enjoy spending time together and my quality of life is so much higher because of the activities we share an interest in.


In summary, if you feel you are staying together "for the kids," that may be a better idea than you can understand at this stage in your marriage, so don't be ashamed of that, just be loving to your children and kind and respectful to your spouse.

Your kids will soon be grown-ups, and if you show them the love and respect they all deserve, then you will have raised your future best friends, and there's no greater reward or feeling in life.

Except maybe Grandchildren, though we're not there yet...